9 Stages of Wedding Planning

My engagement lasted 22 months. While all that time was essential to taking in every moment of planning my dream wedding, I had gone through numerous stages…9 stages to be exact. Scroll through the crazed mind of a bridezilla, learn from my meltdowns, and relish in the relief of knowing you are not alone. 

Four years ago, at this time, I was in the hight of my wedding planning. At some point along the way, I noticed, I seemed to be moving various through stages of emotions. I began documenting, and what follows is a raw, minimally edited outline of what went through my head.       

Stage one: Congratulate me!

There is nothing quite like the reactions of loved ones when you answer “yes!” Your social media has never been so alive. Your phone is going off all day from people congratulating you left and right, some of whom you didn’t know still existed. And who can deny the unique feeling of that rock sitting pretty on your ring finger? Whether you’ve been waiting for this day or you were caught off-guard, it is still better than you could have ever dreamed because it is finally a reality. Once the sea of congratulators have your attention, they will inevitably ask you the same questions: “Did you set a date?” “Where will you have the reception?”, “Who’s going to be in your wedding?” etc. These questions tend to send you into a spiral that will slowly chip away at your excitement and replace it with stress. One way to drag out the happiness is to give yourselves the gift of time! As tempting as it is to get married in the next available date, do yourself a favor and set a date far enough away to take the wedding planning slow. The initial excitement of being engaged is something super special and not to be ruined with the stresses of actually planning a wedding. Enjoy every second of announcing your engagement. Soak up every “congratulations!” Savor the taste of the words “my fiancé” Finally, don’t forget to take a few moments a day to stare at your new piece of jewelry and smile. You don’t have to be a materialist person to appreciate the symbolism of that ring tying you to your soulmate forever. 

Stage two: Holy S*** I’m Getting Married!

Alas, like all things exciting, the novelty of your engagement will begin to wear off. The congratulating had slowed to a stop. “Fiancé” has become a regular part of your vocabulary. Even your finger is so used to the ring you don’t even feel it anymore. Now it is time to plan. Whether you have 6 months or 16 it never feels like enough time. You never quite realize how many dreams you had for your wedding day until they all start pouring out. This is where we all need to stop and breathe for a moment. The novelty may have worn off, but stress isn’t entirely justifiable yet. There may seem like an overwhelming amount of planning to do, but there is also an overwhelming amount of time. Even though the initial engagement butterflies are gone, there is still something to be savored in each step. Obviously, there are more time-pressing hurdles like finding a venue, so tackle that first and make the best of it. It can be fun to shop around, take your fiancé, your mother, your sister, or any future in-law that wants to come along and make a day of it! Once you’ve found the perfect place, that will be one less thing on your list, and you’ll feel a little hint of those butterflies coming back as you get one step closer to your big day. Each task you complete in preparation for your wedding is a memory you will take with you long afterward, so relish every moment of this stage. And when you find yourself in one of those moments where it feels like you may be in over your head, take a deep breath. Go pose for some engagement photos, and continue to enjoy your engagement step-by-step.

Stage Three: The “F”-Word

This stage is a dangerous stage that can lead you down a path of doubt and despair if not appropriately handled. You’ll begin to find yourself thinking of life in a much more long-term manner than before. Those dreams of the two of you getting married and starting a family are becoming a reality, and you find yourself immobilized by the magnitude of the word “forever.” This is the part when your head starts to get in the way. This is the first of many moments you will feel that jump in your stomach at the thought “this is really happening.” Maybe you just had your first fight as an engaged couple, or you clashed over how many kids you want someday, and you begin to wonder if you can spend forever with this person. Whatever the cause, that question is now planted in your mind and grows with panic wondering what in the world you got yourself into. The first thing you need to know when you feel you’ve entered into this stage is that this is entirely normal. No one ever admits to this because of that fear and guilt but that only feeds into the fear and guilt more. Cards on the table: everyone doubts their marriage at one point or another. Don’t feel ashamed if you feel a little fear or doubt creeping its way into your head. You just made a substantial life-changing commitment that is much harder to escape. On the other hand, don't be afraid to evaluate this life-changing decision. Now is the time to think everything through before making this promise to God. Read over my relationship advice for further clearance on this. We all tend to fear the unknown and questioning your decision is only natural. The best thing to do at this point is to take the “forever” aspect out of it and just remember why you were in love with your fiancé before he became your fiancé.   

Stage Four: The Guest List

You never realize how many people you have in your life until you try to file them all into one spreadsheet. Great aunts and distant cousins start to come out of the woodwork, and this particular day meant to celebrate you and your fiancé is starting to look more like a family reunion. Maybe it’s your family, or perhaps it’s your future in-laws, but someone at some point is going to start adding people to your guest list you’ve never heard of before. What began as a “small wedding” is growing into something you don’t know how you’ll ever afford. When you’ve hit this stage in your planning, prepare to bend a little. Controlling your guest list is one piece of the wedding planning that is perhaps the hardest part, and it doesn’t get any easier. As the old saying goes “if you can’t beat them join them!” Remember people sometimes just like to be invited. Most of those distant relatives won’t be able to make it and may even send you a gift anyway. Also, if the social convention is to pay your way in a gift, what do you have to lose? Open up the gates and allow anyone who wants to share in your joy to come!  

Stage Five: Quarter-life Crisis  

Preparing to commit yourself to one person for life is cause for some soul searching. You begin to reevaluate your life and how off-course it is from your childhood dreams. Maybe you wanted to travel the globe or take over the business world, but you find your desire to create a family with your future spouse to be getting in the way of it all. It is becoming increasingly apparent that you may not be able to have travel, success, and family trifecta. Panic and depression arise once again the more you look at how off-track you’ve allowed yourself to get. You begin to wonder if you don’t correct it now, will you ever? Stop that sort of thinking right now. This stage, like all the others, is only natural but it is toxic to your happiness. If you only focus on the dreams you’ve given up, you’ll never notice the one you’re living. Think about the future you dreamed for yourself and imagine it without your future spouse by your side. Is it worth it? Now think about the dreams the two of you created together and compare. Some dreams are bigger than others but some are simple and lead to true happiness. Your heart got you where you are; not success or personal image. This engagement hasn’t derailed your life; its redirected it. Life never goes the way we plan it, but it sure does turn out beautiful anyway.  

Stage Six: Now What?

There is not a whole lot to report about this stage; however, it is an important one. You’ve done just about all there is to do right now. From the wedding dress to the photographer, every major detail is done. As mentioned in the second stage, you have to see the beauty in every step of the planning. So, you start a registry a little early just to dream and maybe you browse shower ideas on Pinterest a little too much. The point is you’re in a kind of limbo. Anything left to do is not anything you can do at the moment. All you can do now is wait for planning to pick up. Enjoy this time now because it’s about to get crazy. Some might call this “the calm before the storm “...  

Stage Seven: “The Storm” 

You hear it all throughout your engagement: “it will be here before you know it!” With a year and a half to go that sounds exciting and you just want it to be here. Then, suddenly, you turn a corner and your wedding is on the horizon staring you down. Suddenly the date you dreamed about for months and months on end is now looking more like a deadline and you’re wishing for that calm period back. There are gifts to be registered for, parties to plan, fittings and trials to be done yet after all that waiting there is so little time (and money) to do it all. This is the point in your preparations when time seems to take off. You’re so busy running from task to task until suddenly you’re down to the final weeks. With so much confusion about the future, the only thing you can trust in is prayers. Do the best you can to continue savoring every moment and trust in Him to handle the rest. 

Stage eight: Bride Knows Best

A friend once said to me, “there’s nothing like a wedding to ruin a family!” Those words couldn’t be truer. Especially during this phase when the weeks are ticking down and the tensions are high. With the big day on the horizon suddenly everyone surrounding you seems to know best about your wedding. You’ll have family and future in-laws bringing their own selfish needs and wants into your special day. And who could forget those distant relatives you’ve never hear of still coming out of the woodwork wondering what happened to their invitation. It’s at a time like this when you need to release the bridezilla! Nobody wants to be one but this is the one and possibly only time in your life when everything is about YOU. Don’t ever forget that, and don’t let anyone else forget it. Never be afraid to use the “I’m the bride, and this is the way I want it” card anytime someone starts to argue with you. They may not have ever been a bride or perhaps they forgot what it was like to be a bride once but what the bride wants the bride gets. End of story. Get brutal! (You’re allowed to just this once)  

Stage nine: The moment we’ve all been waiting for…

This day will be the fastest yet longest day of your entire life. If you only take one piece of advice away from this article, let it be this: say a prayer first thing in the morning and ask God for peace. Because that is all you want on this day; to be at peace and truly happy. You’ve done your stressing, your worrying, your freaking out over little details. Today is about enjoying your day. Ask God to make you resilient and resistant, so anything or anyone who tries to bring stress to your day just rolls right off of you. Today is the day you waited so long for, and trust me, it will be over in a second. This is why it is so important to enjoy every stage and every step that got you to this day. Take in as much of it as you can and love every minute of it. When you get to the reception, you dance! I know it’s a social requirement to get around to every table, but keep it short, and if it’s getting down to party time, go! Enjoy the day you worked so hard planning. Those who you don’t get to will hunt you down. Finally, take a minute at some point when you’re sitting up there at the sweetheart table, looking out at all your guests and live in that moment. Relish in the joy of knowing all of these people are here for the two of you, and you did it.